Bird droppings

I'm going to be at Trans march tonight, as well as at Pride on Sunday. Any of you pepes in town for this? Come join me!

Also, wish me a happy (re)birthday, because today is the 4 year anniversary of the day I started transition.

My car will be fixed and ready to go late tomorrow afternoon... O.O Is that cutting it close or what? I have to figure out how I'm actually going to get up there, since we're going to need to do this ASAP.

My artsygirlstace wrote this beautiful song about me and my departure and how hard it is for her to see me go. (If you're visiting this entry later on, the title of the song is "I will stay, you will go." She changes the lineup on her site pretty often, so it may not be there in the future.) The lyrics are here.

Since the party, I've been presenting fully female with my dad. It's been... interesting. At first, I felt very self-conscious about my breasts, but I got over it and am doing fine with it now. His neighbor, an old childhood friend of mine, saw me and I told her about my transition. She had some really awesome questions for me. It was awesome.

I came out to one of my coworkers today, one of the people I really like and respect here at $OLD_JOB. He was surprised as all hell, but really happy for me and proud to have known me.

This is basically the last post I'm going to make before I move. I'll be taking apart my computer tonight. So the only posts y'all are gonna see from me from here on in are voice posts. Although I need to get pandagenma's number to coordinate our plans in Denver.

So everything is ready. Now it's just a matter of getting going!

peaceofpie call me! I'm gonna see you TOMORRORRROOOOOWWWWW!!!!!! :) :) :)

I am truly blessed...

I've been reading about other people's transitions and really seeing just how easy and wonderful mine has been in comparison. Sure, it started out rocky, but it quickly got better. Now my life is just amazing... I hope I still feel this way after I go full-time in the next few months.

I wish that everyone could experience being trans as a positive experience, but unfortunately, that's just not the case. Most people seem to have really long periods of pain and suffering before they find themselves. Even after they find themselves and begin transition, I know many people that have been transitioning for years and are still exactly where I am now. Looking at their situations, I seriously wonder if I would have been able to handle it as well as they have had I been in their place. Would I have had the strength and courage to face what they've had to face and come out as well as they are right now?

artsygirlstace suggests that my life is going so well because I have such a positive perspective on everything. But as we talked more, and as I listened to her conversation with nataliemtf about a recent LJ entry, I'm thinking that it's probably more because I've been blessed and lucky to have the people and resources around me that I have.

For most people, it takes years and years and years for things to get better. I am lucky and I am blessed to have had such opportunities, friends, and resources to help me get to where I am now. I owe a lot to my family, my ex-wife, my friends, TransFamily, and more. They've given me support and care that appears quite rare in this community. Like I said, there have been issues, but I think the overall experience has been positive, relative to other experiences.

I have a lot of reasons that I could hate that I'm trans. I spent my entire childhood and young adult life living as a robot that expressed emotion on demand when it was thought appropriate. I was terrified of exploring anything that I wanted to explore, if I thought it might be against my robotic "programming." I lost years of my life because I couldn't face who I really was. But do I hate being trans? No. These experiences aren't just had by trans people. Yet I don't intrinsically love it, either. It has helped me open my eyes to a lot of things and learn about myself and who I am. There are probably dozens of other ways I could have experienced this, but being trans was the way I did it. In that, I am grateful that I'm trans, because at least I had *something* to motivate me to grow and learn the things that I've learned. That's pretty rare for anyone, trans or not.

I love myself and who I am. I'm proud of what I've done and where I've come from. Although I've made mistakes, I have no regrets. I did the best I could in every situation with the knowledge and self-understanding I had at the time. I know now that I can get anything that I want from life, if I'm willing to make the sacrifices necessary to get it. I'm continually improving my life and making it better.

I've made my life awesome because I was lucky enough and blessed enough to be given a situation that I could make awesome.

I'm very grateful.