Bird droppings

... I leave for Arizona in less than 2 weeks.

Holy gods I'm a giant ball of stress.

I'm also really fighting my impostor syndrome thing with work. Every time I don't know something, I expect that I'm not doing well enough and am going to be fired or something. Trying to remember to call down and remember that even if that were true, it wouldn't matter. I should just try to have fun.

But OMG Surgery

OMG OMG OMG

< 2 weeks.

I have to stop taking estrogen on Tuesday. This is ... oh for the love of Pete...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

In other news... I've become obsessive about reading house of leaves... I meant to hold off until our little book club got started, but... omg... There are so many secrets hidden in this book... Wow. I've never had to spend time decoding a book before. This is a book that does more than present a story to you. It invites you into the story and makes you a participant in it.

For those of you that don't know, here's the brief synopsis of the book:

This is not for you.

A few decades ago, renowned photojournalist Will Navidson decided to settle down from his wild and adventurous life and retire to a domestic family life. Not content to fully leave his passion behind, he decided to document his transformation to a family man by setting up cameras around his home and recording the process on video. However, he moved into a house that had more going on than he bargained for. It starts with the discovery that the house is 1/4" longer on the inside than the out. Then he discovers, hidden in the recesses of the house, a sort of other-worldly labyrinth and the horrors that lay within.¹

The documentary that Navidson created, "The Navidson Record" was, within the book's universe, released as a film by Miramax in the 90s and received incredible academic acclaim and interest.²

At some point, the film came to the interest of a man named Zampano. This blind man watched the film and was taken in by it. He began analyzing it and living as part of it. Eventually, it seems that this exploration killed him, as he was found dead in his apartment next to several gouges on the floor, as if made by a thick set of claws.

A deadbeat tattoo artist and his friend came upon the dead blind man and the mountains of notes, writings, and other odds and ends discussing the Navidson Record, and the tattoo artist, Johnny Truant, decides to take them, compile them into a coherent narrative, and send them to a publisher to be released.

House of Leaves is the final result. It is a compilation of what is supposedly Zampano's analysis of The Navidson Record, as well as extra information, pictures, etc. about the lives of all of our characters, from Will Navidson and his colleages, to Zampano and his life, to Johnny Truant and his troubled relationships and family life. There is far far far more to this book than meets the eye.

I'm, uh... getting into it. As you can see.... (Where did that blue tint come from?)⁴

The book is more than a novel... It's a puzzle and a maze and a riddle in and of itself. It doesn't just present the story to you, but it puts you as part of it. For example, the chapter titled "SOS" had several hidden messages in morse code. And the chapter titled "Labyrinth" was laid out in such a confusing way that it took me about an hour to figure out where the damn thing began. And somehow, I kept winding up back at the beginning of the chapter. I'm not kidding. You don't so much read this book as you become an active participant in the tale it's weaving.

In any case... I'm... Maybe 20% through the book so far? It takes a while to read, and doesn't go in a strictly linear fashion. I'm constantly jumping around the book, grabbing my phone to google some phrase or translate some foreign language, and stuff.<sup>5

1</sup>These sections were removed from the original draft of this entry, but have been recreated here to ensure that the entry is as complete as possible.
²The book also acts as a satire of excessive academic analysis of literature and other things. ^3
3Makes considerable use of footnotes to get this point across.
⁴I really don't know how that blue tint got in there... Uh...
⁵Cracking the code - Andrew Lawrence 2008

Something to become obsessed with to distract myself from the OMG OMG OMG SURGERY OMG coming up, I guess.

I can't think too much about it, because if I do my head just sort of explodes a little.